Waiting for #Elxn2019 - This Ain't No Green Godot

When we last visited our intrepid Green Party heroes, May Green and Green May (MG and GM for short), they were nestled beneath a baobab tree, waiting.....thinking of Samuel Beckett and....just waiting for the next election to come along and change their lives.


May Green: When is the next election, Green May?
Green May: Soon, May Green, soon.
MG: They always seem to come around.
GM: That they do.
MG: They do.
GM: Every four years or so.
MG: Sometimes less.
GM: Less so?
MG: Less – when there is a minority government.
GM: Minorities? We need to be careful when we talk about minorities nowadays.
MG: How so, GM?
GM: Well, people will think we're Liberals, MG?
MG: Liberals, GM?
GM: Yes, Liberals MG. Or some might call us 'Libtards'
MG: What's a Libtard?
GM: A Libtard?
MG: Yes, a Libtard.
GM: It's someone who likes minorities.
MG: I like minorities.
GM: Me too.
MG: If there were a minority government, the election would have been here by now, GM.
GM: Come and gone, MG.
MG: Come and gone indeed.
GM: And we might not still be waiting.
MG: And waiting.
GM: And waiting. But the next election – it WILL come.
MG: Come soon, I hope.
GM: And change things for us.
MG: Yes, change things for us. We've been waiting.
GM: But the next election will change things for us. It will be different.
MG: Different, GM?
GM: Different, MG. They say that this will be the one for us. For Greens, MG.
MG: They said that about the last one, GM.
GM: And the one before it. And the one before that. But this one...They say that this one will be different. This one will be for us.
MG: I hope so GM. I so desperately hope so.
GM: Things are different this time, MG.
MG: How so, GM?
GM: Because of the Liberals, MG.
MG: The Liberals, GM?
GM: Yes, the Liberals. This time they're different.
MG: The Liberals are different, GM?
GM: Yes, they're different. Last time they were warm and fuzzy.
MG: What will they be this time, GM?
GM: This time they'll be corrupt and interested in only helping their cronies, MG.
MG: Cronies, GM?
GM: Cronies. Like SNC-Lavalin, MG.
MG: Oh those cronies. The ones that give them all of their money.
GM: Yes, those cronies.
MG: Why will it be different this time, GM? It all sounds the same to me. SNC Lavalin. The sponsorship scandal. The gas plants.
GM: The gas plants were provincial MG.
MG: Federal. Provincial. Liberals all seem the same to me.
GM: Mm-hmmm...and to everyone else too, MG.
MG: But this time those same Liberals are going to be different.
GM: Yes, different.
MG: Do they have a new leader?
GM: No, it's the same man. The one with the hair.
MG: Oh, but he looks so good in photographs.
GM: And he's got a great collection of socks.
MG: So how is he different, GM?
GM: He had his sunny ways before. But now he's the captain of a leaky ship.
MG: He's a sailor too, GM?
GM: Probably MG. But that's not the point.
MG: What is the point, GM?
GM: I was getting to the point, MG.
MG: I wish you would, GM.
GM: I was getting there.
MG: Please do. I've been waiting.
GM: I've been waiting too.
MG: Waiting for a breakthrough.
GM: They say that this next election will be for us.
MG: They said that about the last one.
GM: And the one before that. But this one will be different. The Liberals are different. They're not going to be trusted, MG.
MG: How does that help us, GM?
GM: It doesn't, MG. Not really. It helps the Conservatives.
MG: The Conservatives, GM? Bah! Why would anyone want to help them?
GM: No one wants to help them, MG.
MG: So why are the Liberals helping them?
GM: They don't want to, MG. But they are.
MG: But what about the NDP, GM?
GM: No one is helping the NDP.
MG: But they're nice people.
GM: They're nice people. But I don't really talk to them.
MG: You try, GM.
GM: I try. But they won't talk to me.
MG: But they're like us, GM.
GM: Mm-hmmm. Like us. Except for LNG.
MG: Except for LNG, GM.
GM: And TransMountain, MG.
MG: TransMountain? But we don't like TransMountain, GM.
GM: No, we don't like TransMountain. And neither do the NDP.
MG: The NDP don't like TransMountain?
GM: Well, some of them do.
MG: So they like pipelines, GM?
GM: Well they say they don't.
MG: Who says they don't?
GM: I don't say that.
MG: Who says that?
GM: They say that.
MG: They say what?
GM: About pipelines.
MG: So that's their position then?
GM: Yes that's their position. Except when it isn't.
MG: So they're like us then.
GM: The NDP.
MG: Yes, the NDP. They're like us. Except for LNG.
GM: And pipelines.
MG: Sometimes.
GM: And Site C in B.C.
MG: Yes. They're like us except for LNG. And pipelines.
GM: And Site C.
MG: And BDS.
GM: Shhh!
MG: So why don't we like them if we're like them?
GM: Well they're not like us, MG.
MG: No, they're not like us. 
GM: And we want their seats. And we'll take them.
MG: What seats, GM?
GM: The NDP's seats in B.C.
MG: In B.C., GM?
GM: Well some in B.C. On the Island.
MG: Oh yes. On the Island. They're very green on the Island.
GM: Except for when they're not.
MG: Except for then, yes. Like last time.
GM: Yes, like last time. The Island was to go Green.
MG: But it went orange instead.
GM: Yes it went orange. But this time they say it will go Green.
MG: That's what they said the last time.
GM: And the time before that. But this time will be different.
MG: Different, GM?
GM: Different, MG.
MG: Why different?
GM: Because of the Liberals, MG.
MG: The Liberals who were all sunny but have now gone all dark?
GM: Yes, those Liberals.
MG: But the nice man who leads them – the one with the hair
GM: The one who looks great in photographs -
MG: He's still there.
GM: And that's the difference.
MG: How is it different?
GM: This time it's different.
MG: Doesn't he still look good in photographs?
GM: Oh yes, he still looks good in photographs. But not as many people want to see them.
MG: Because of the corruption, GM?
GM: And the lies.
MG: The lies, GM?
GM: Well I think they're lies.
MG: Does the nice man think they're lies?
GM: I don't know what the nice man thinks. All I know is that he promised to reform our election system. He said it was unfair. He said the deck was stacked. He promised no more false majorities. And he didn't change the system.
MG: Why not, GM?
GM: He won, MG.
MG: So the deck wasn't stacked after all?
GM: Not for him, MG. Because he won. A false majority.
MG: But surely people can see...
GM: Surely they can. And they do. And they will.
MG: And that's good for us GM?
GM: No, it doesn't matter for us. We're focused on the Island. And there aren't any Liberals on the Island. It's all NDP.
MG: NDP, GM?
GM: Yes, NDP. And they've got that nice man -
MG: Another nice man?
GM: Yes another nice man – he's a very nice. So very nice.
MG: A very nice man. Who is he?
GM: Who knows? But he's a very nice man.
MG: And he's from B.C.?
GM: He is now, MG.
MG: And how are we going to take the Island in B.C. from this very nice man, GM?
GM: Because of Quebec, MG.
MG: Quebec, GM. But what do we know about Quebec?
GM: Nothing, MG.
MG: Less than nothing.
GM: Less than nothing indeed. But we'll take the Island because of Quebec.
MG: Will they do well in Quebec?
GM: No. They won't do well in Quebec.
MG: Why, GM?
GM: Because of the Liberals, MG.
MG: The Liberals, GM?
GM: Yes, the Liberals MG. They'll do well in Quebec and the NDP won't. And that's how we'll win the Island.
MG: Seems a little byzantine, GM.
GM: Very byzantine, MG. But that's party politics in Canada.
MG: So we'll take the Island and the Liberals will take Quebec -
GM: It's a collapse, MG.
MG: The NDP is going to collapse?
GM: They already have. They just don't know it yet.
MG: Why have they collapsed, GM?
GM: Well it's because of that nice man -
MG: The one who looks good in photographs?
GM: No, not that nice man. The very nice man. But he also looks good in photographs.
MG: I wish we looked good in photographs.
GM: Me too, MG.
MG: So what about this very nice man that's leading the NDP to collapse, GM?
GM: Well, it's the Liberals MG.
MG: The Liberals, GM?
GM: Yes, the Liberals MG. For the past 10 years, the NDP have wanted to become the Liberals. And the Liberals have pretended to become the NDP.
MG: It's hard to keep track of who's who.
GM: It's very hard to keep track of who's who. But that's party politics in Canada.
MG: But we like the NDP, GM.
GM: We like them all right. But we want to burn down their house, MG.
MG: Why don't we just work with them, GM?
GM: We would work with them.
MG: Why don't we?
GM: They won't work with us.
MG: So we'll burn down their house?
GM: Well, on the Island. This time. They say that this time will be our time.
MG: They said that the last time.
GM: And the time before that. But this time will be different.
MG: Different, GM? We didn't work with the NDP the last time -
GM: Or the time before that. And we won't work with them now. But this time will be different.
MG: So how will this time be different?
GM: Because of the Island. This time we'll take the Island. Because the NDP doesn't know who it wants to be any more.
MG: But you said they wanted to be the Liberals.
GM: They do, MG.
MG: Then why aren't they, GM?
GM: Oh because they don't want to be the Liberals!
MG: Then do they want to be like us?
GM: Oh yes.
MG: And we want to be like them?
GM: Oh yes.
MG: And we're already a lot alike -
GM: Except the NDP wants to be the Liberals.
MG: But you said they want to be like us -
GM: They do, MG, they do.
MG: The NDP seems to want to be everything -
GM: To everybody.
MG: Why can't they just be themselves?
GM: Like us?
MG: Yes, like us. Why can't they just be themselves?
GM: They want to win, MG.
MG: Oh yes. I forgot about that. So the very nice man – he thinks he can win?
GM: He says he can win.
MG: So he can win?
GM: He can't win. His party is collapsing. And that's bad for Canada, MG.
MG: Shouldn't we help him, GM? If it's bad for Canada...
GM: We should help him.
MG: Well let's help him.
GM: He doesn't want us to help him. He barely acknowledges we're here.
MG: He's not alone in that.
GM: No. But we'll burn down his house on the Island. This time.
MG: They said that the last time.
GM: And the time before that. But if we burn his house down he won't be able to ignore us any more. And then maybe we can help him.
MG: But that would be bad for Canada, GM?
GM: Bad for Canada. But good for us. If it's our time.
MG: They say it's our time.
GM: And they said that the last time. But this time it will be different.
MG: Because of the Liberals, GM?
GM: Because of the Liberals. They're different.
MG: So who will win, GM?
GM: The Conservatives will win.
MG: Bah! Who wants the Conservatives to win?
GM: No one wants the Conservatives to win. But they'll win. Because of the Liberals.
MG: Because of the Liberals, GM?
GM: Because of the Liberals. The Liberals are different you see.
MG: But why can't we win -
GM: We can't win.
MG: Well how about the NDP? They're like us.
GM: Except for LNG.
MG: And pipelines.
GM: Sometimes.
MG: And Site C in B.C. Why can't the NDP win?
GM: Because they don't know who they want to be. They just want to win. So they won't.
MG: I understand now.
GM: That's party politics in Canada.
MG: So the nice man -
GM: The one who looks good in photographs, or the other one who looks good in photographs?
MG: The one who looks good in photographs.
GM: What about him?
MG: He's the Prime Minister.
GM: Yes he is. At the moment.
MG: At the moment? What do you mean? That he might not be?
GM: Well, he shouldn't be.
MG: But he won.
GM: But he's different.
MG: But he still looks good in photographs.
GM: But people are saying very bad things about him when they see his photographs.
MG: Bad things?
GM: Like treason.
MG: Treason?
GM: They want to hang him.
MG: Who wants to hang him?
GM: People in yellow vests want to hang him.
MG: Yellow vests.
GM: And in big trucks.
MG: Big trucks?
GM: And maybe now too some in his own party.
MG: The Liberals, GM? But why?
GM: Seems he did a bad thing.
MG: What did he do? He's a nice man. Did he commit treason?
GM: Oh no. People just made that up.
MG: Why on earth would you make something like that up?
GM: Because they want to hang him.
MG: Who wants to hang him?
GM: The Conservatives, MG.
MG: Bah! They want to take him out then?
GM: They do. But it may be the Liberals that do.
MG: The Liberals, GM?
GM: The Liberals, MG. Because he did a bad thing. He asked the Attorney General to go easy on his pals at SNC Lavalin. And then when she wouldn't he got rid of her.
MG: Got rid of her, GM? How?
GM: He shuffled her to another portfolio.
MG: He got rid of the cabinet minister by making her a cabinet minister?
GM: That's exactly what he did.
MG: He didn't hang her?
GM: No, these are Liberals MG. He made her the Minister of Veteran's Affairs.
MG: Oh no! What did she do to deserve that?
GM: Her job, MG.
MG: Oh my.
GM: Oh my indeed. And now she's gone and went and done a job on the nice man.
MG: Oh my.
GM: Oh my indeed. She's left the nice man with only one option out two.
MG: The nice man has only one option of two?
GM: That's right, MG. And he'll choose the wrong option because it's the only one he can choose.
MG: What will he do, GM?
GM: He'll do a job on her, MG. He will say that he's sorry she felt pressured, but it wasn't him. It was the first time he had heard about that you see. She didn't tell me, he'll say. Not until today. And he made her the Minister of Veteran's Affairs after she was the Minister of the A-G -
MG: He's a wicked man for giving her a cabinet posting
GM: He is a wicked man for doing that indeed. And he'll say she should have told me. And then he'll ask what kind of person doesn't tell the Prime Minister something like that? And then he won't be Prime Minister, MG.
MG: But he will still be Prime Minister.
GM: But not for much longer.
MG: No, not for much longer.
GM: How could he be Prime Minister for much longer after saying a thing like that?
MG: And after having giving her a cabinet position as Minister of Veteran's Affairs.
GM: Yes, and after that. He won't be. Not much longer.
MG: So why will he say it, GM?
GM: He has to say it, MG. He only has one option.
MG: Of two.
GM: Yes, of two. He could resign now.
MG: Resign now.
GM: Yes, rather than later. But that's not an option he'll choose because he only has the one.
MG: But either way he won't be Prime Minister. For much longer.
GM: No, not for much longer. If his caucus doesn't revolt first, though, the voters will.
MG: A caucus revolt, GM?
GM: A caucus revolt. The Liberals want to get re-elected. So they might try to get rid of the Liberals.
MG: But aren't they the Liberals?
GM: They sure are, but who would be better to get rid of than the Liberals?
MG: I hadn't thought of that, GM. Of course the Liberals should do that.
GM: If they want to get elected. They'll need to burn down the house.
MG: Their own house, GM?
GM: Of course, MG.
MG: But that will be good for the NDP?
GM: No, the NDP wants to be like the Liberals.
MG: Except for when they don't.
GM: That's right. But they do.
MG: So it will be good for the Conservatives?
GM: Yes. And maybe for us. That's why they say this could be our time.
MG: But they said that the last time, GM.
GM: And the time before that. But this time it could be our time.
MG: Because of the Liberals?
GM: Because of the Liberals. And the NDP.
MG: When is the next election, Green May?
GM: Soon, May Green. They always come along very soon.
MG: Except when the don't.
GM: But the next time should be our time.
MG: So they say.

(Opinions expressed in this blog are my own and should not be considered consistent with the views and policies of the Green Parties of Ontario and Canada)